Thanks Easter Bunny! Wasn't Expecting It that...

Had a "great" Easter round our house, but little did I know what Easter would truly bring to me. As my previous post stated, I took part in a ceremony at church, where we were given the opportunity to nail "battles" to the cross. I talked about having left (attempted to leave that is!) my battle with weight on the cross on several occasions in this same type of

ceremony, only to pick it back up.

Well God works in mysterious ways. I prayed really hard that night and days after, that this would be the time I had truly turned it over to God, but have you ever had one of those times where you knew God heard, but you didn't think he was answering? Well, that's called Beth's impatience and God's timing! I was sitting down 2 nights ago and downloaded a "passle" of pictures that I had stock piled on memory cards. THERE IT WAS!! Easter, I really wanted to get pictures of my grandmother that has been having health problems and my Aunt took my camera and snapped some shots of her, which happened to be sitting right next to me! There I sat looking at the picture of my sweet grandmother and there I was next to her, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE PERSON I WAS LOOKING AT! How can a person that feels one way inside look so different on the outside. Well I was appalled to say the least, but didn't know what to do with my emotions. This is when I usually turn to what I've obviously made the love of my life, food!, but instead, of "ALL things! I felt lead to once again investigate WW, but online this time. I should truly own stock in WW after all my failed attempts, but I felt lead, so I joined WW online. Once again, went to bed and prayed. Didn't feel totally convicted "hook, line, and sinker", but I was following what I felt I was supposed to do. Got up Monday, another day, went into my closet and NOTHING fit!! It was as if some cruel "devil" fairy came in overnight and sabotaged me! I put on, slung off into the floor, I put on, slung off into the floor!

God had spoken!!

I was mad, not at life, somebody, the food, and so on, so on.....

I was mad at the addiction and what it was stealing from me!!

I would say to make a long story short, but being that I've "babbled" for so long I think it's too late for that! Lol! I am learning to navigate WW online and actually really like it. I'm going to weigh in on Friday mornings and going to spend alot of time in HIS word for his revelations for me!

I used to blog on another blog just for weight, but the more I thought about it, this addiction is part of me and what better way to deal with it than to have friends praying me through!

Wish me luck, in his strength I can do this! Only in his strength!

The Blood Was Shed for Sins, not Construction Paper

Well it is that time of the year! Spring has sprung! There is just something about the new beauty that surrounds you this time of the year that gives me a new found optimism that you can conquer the world. We had a "wonderful" service last night at FBC Bude that I have taken part in several times. What's funny, is that though I have participated in it several times it is always a different experience. We had our cross ceremony where we literally wrote our burdens on a construction paper heart and nailed them on the cross that was symbolic of the cross that our Savior died on all those many years ago. I joked with friends that I needed a piece of loose leaf paper to write my burdens down on, but jokingly said that I had to take my burdens to him daily or they would surely be too much to bear alone.

As I sat and prayed last night about what I would write down, I realized that one of my major struggles or burdens that I wanted to write down, I had written down two prior times during this very same ceremony, yet walked away from the cross with the burden in tow. Obviously the only thing I laid at the cross was a piece of red construction paper.

Believers, we either trust him with our burdens, FULLY trust him or we don't. Walking away with this burden that I claimed to lay down on two prior occasions means that obviously I don't think he is a big enough GOD to handle it. That is so far from what I profess to believe, but sometimes you have to stop and think, "Am I living what I say I believe?" Most everyone loves the verse, "I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me", but how many people live with a sense of discord, how many have no self confidence and don't believe they can accomplish their goals no matter how big or small.

Many may think these are random thoughts, well I guess they really are, but that's what blogging is all about, but as you look around and see the beauty that spring brings, as you feel the warmth of the SUN sent straight from the SON, we need to remember that a God that is big enough to literally speak everything into creation, a God that is interested enough in us to divinely make everything from our children to the pesky pollen particles in the air, is a God that is big enough to take our burdens to and leave them.

In our flesh we can't handle it, but never fool ourselves that HE can't or that it's insignificant enough for HIM to want to......

Hmmmm! Thoughts to ponder! Maybe it is HIS timing that we struggle with the most. Maybe we assume the worst because he doesn't answer when WE think HE should.

Going to pray for guidance, strength and surrender, hoping that this time I believe that Jesus died for my sins and not simply construction paper hearts.

Just a Momma Hanging on for Dear Life!!

As a Momma, you have those times periodically where it becomes all to apparent that your babies are growing up and there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it! Don't get me wrong, it is such a blessing watching them grow, but in the same sense I feel like I am slowly loosing my grasp on them.

Within the last 2 weeks both of my sweet babies have had a birthday! My Baleigh Bug has turned 12 years old and Thomas Patrick turned 10 this past week.

I know, I know, you must be thinking that I need to get a grip and they are "still" little, but oh how it seems like I just brought them home.

Baleigh came home the other day and said that she wanted to be in the Middle School pageant in January. In her words, "I want to wear a poofie dress Momma.", so this morning I went out to Brookhaven to watch AnnaBugs play soccer and then my mom met me at the dress rental shop with Baleigh. I made it there before them and all of a sudden I looked up through those big glass store windows and see this beautiful young lady walking by to come in with a smile across her face that was contagious. She had her cute little jeans on, hair in a top knot, big hoop earrings, trendy sneakers. She was tall, all legs and arms. It was at that point I realized that that big girl belonged to me!! That 5lb bundle of pure "JOY" is now a young lady. Of course, the beautiful dress that she found for the pageant didn't help with this trial I was going through one bit!! Sparkles and "poof', my Tomboy was absolutely beautiful.

Do you ever just get overwhelmed at the "blessings" that you have been given? Well when I look at these two children that God has entrusted me with, I am completely overwhelmed at the blessings Pat and I have been given through them. Just want to savor every minute because I am becoming ever so aware that they will need me less and less. We spend our time raising them to be independent, but I must say it "stings" ever so slightly as they come into their independence. Just thoughts from a Momma....

Good Times, Big Blessings!

Sometimes you can get soooo caught up in life that you don't even stop to enjoy it! You know, stop and spell the roses kinda thing.
Well this weekend I got to stop and smell the roses and it was such a sweet smell!
Friday me, Jill and Christy took off and went to New Orleans for a night and a day. We left out around 3:30 on Friday. Had a good time just talking and sharing on the way up there. We checked into the Westin right on the river and it was "wonderful"! It was like being in a spa! We then struck out and went to a new Jazz restaurant called Mulates where the atmosphere was "great" and the food was to die for. We then took a taxi into the French Quarter and enjoyed taking in the sights, especially loved looking at all the old buildings and trying to imagine the history of them all. You could just sit and "people watch" forever there. After spending the night we got up this morning and enjoyed breakfast, a carriage ride and then on to some window shopping in the French Market. We headed out around 3:00 or so and ended a short but awesome trip with a stop by Middendorfs. It's good for us women to just "intentionally" stop every once in a while and recharge. Got home and was soooo tired, but headed to my Aunt Linda's camp with alot of family and friends and it was a perfect end to a great day. Enjoyed just hanging out and talking with the family.
Life is busy and it's very easy to get soooo caught up in it that you don't even enjoy it. I so enjoyed this weekend with people I love so much! Good times, big blessings!

Happy Birthday Momma, Aunt Linda and Jill!

A Flea in My Pantyhose!

Well tonight is Wednesday night. I had missed a couple of the lessons in the last Bible study that I was in and didn't complete it. Do you ever get aggravated, let's be honest, when God's conviction just nags at you like a FLEA IN YOUR PANTYHOSE! Well he doesn't fall down on his job, but oh how I fall short. Well, missing 1/2 of the last Bible study really bothered me and it was nothing more that God convicting me of that! Back in the saddle again tonight though and what a wonderful lesson!

Started taking Beth Moore's "A Beautiful Mind" and the main point I got of tonight was

ARE YOU PROJECTING AN OLD FEAR ON A NEW DAY

Whoa Nelly! She acts like she knows me or something! lol But seriously, what she was talking about is how we get burned one or two times in a situation and then we expect that same result or reaction every time, so we never do get anything different out of life and experiences. How many times do we fail at something or have someone disapprove of something and instead of continuing to try we just tuck tail and run! She talked about FEAR.

1. Fear of the Past, that because of what has happened or hurt us in the past, that we cheat our self out of the future because we won't try again. That we don't give others a chance to change and react to us differently. If we are in God's will, it is our responsibility to continue to try time and time again.

2. Fear of Saying Yes, we are so afraid of not being the "best" at something from the very start, that we won't try something because of our PRIDE and INSECURITIES and not wanting to look bad or foolish or fail in front of someone else.

3. Fear of Saying No, being able to learn the difference in when it's time to say yes and when it's time to say no. We CANNOT do a 1000 things at once to glorify God! Pick and choose.

The last thing that I thought was powerful tonight is that she said that women claim responsibility and investment in WAY more that they are actually responsible and have an investment in. I interpreted that into times that I get all upset and bothered about something that I truly don't "HAVE A DOG IN THAT RACE" with! I think it is a women's nature to take things personal, but many things that I let get me upset doesn't even have a whole lot to do with me. lol :D

I just thought it was an "awesome" night and truly gave me alot to think about in my life! We claim each day as a blessing from God, do we waste it by not stepping out in faith because of what has happened in the past? The enemy, which can come in the form of many things (people, food, situations etc.) tries to get you to quit, by reminding you of your past failures and things that happened before.

What a wonderful message I would have missed tonight, confirmation that God wanted me in fellowship with him tonight! Thank you Lord for pursuing me when many times I seem to be running from you! Hope all have a "blessed" rest of the week and weekend!

Give As Freely As You Have Recieved!

"Give as freely as you have recieved!" Matthew 10:8

Well, have you ever had one of those moments where you were trying to teach someone else something and the Good Lord decided that the lesson is for you! Woo Wee! Tonight was one of those nights. As Pat and I sat at the bar and was doing a nightly devotional with the kids, it was obvious that the lesson was for me much more than the kids. The devotion tonight basically asked if you felt like some people were ugly to you for no apparent reason, do you feel like you can't do anything right, do you feel like people are just against you at times? In a nutshell, do you carry a chip on your shoulder at times. Oh mercy, I knew I was in for it then. The devotion then went on to read, what have you done for others to expect something good in return? Hmmm! It went on to say that alot of times all we can focus on is how others don't make us happy, make us feel good, or do things that we agree with or benefit from. It basically said that we should try not focusing on these things and simply put, get out there and start doing good things ourselves for no reason and it is His promise that we will in turn receive. I think I've heard this before, I think it means, IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! lol What a good message for the beginning of a new school and church year! I think for me he wants me to react in a positive way, when people expect me to get mad. That he wants me to close my eyes to all the negative things that I tend to focus on with people and situations and notice the positive. And if I'm really honest, I would want people to focus on my positive and not on my srew-ups. (Goodness knows I have plenty! lol) He has opened my eyes tonight to the fact that I shouldn't expect from others anything more than I am willing to give them!! That phrase in itself is sooo powerful! Well, I'm definitely not perfect and by all means a work in progress, but via the Big Man, I am going to try to concentrate alot more on giving and not focusing quite so much on receiving. Gonna try and be a little better Christian, Momma, Wife, Daughter and Friend! Again, hmmmm!

Gotta love trying to teach your children a new lesson! lol, lol, lol, lol :D

The End is Here...

Well, it is here! It is officially the end of my summer vacation.

It doesn't even seem like summer any more. Well the heat has definitely let us know it is summer, but I have memories of June and July lasting for eternity. I think it is simply a sign of getting older. Those lengthy months have turned into wild and crazy weeks of nonstop doctors checkups and running, running, running! lol :D

I have also spent the summer washing clothes. It is as if it has been one nonstop load that never quite gets done.....

Oh well, once again, just some more of the facts of life.

You see, even on a day that has elements in it you could have lived without such as the mess and being sick, if you look closely you can see that the blessings far outweighed the wrinkles!!

It is truly a day to rejoice!

I got to attend a baby dedication service this morning where seven sets of parents stood before the church promising to raise their children in a way that was pleasing to God. This just warms your heart that these parents acknowledged that our children are simply "on loaner" from our Heavenly Father and we can't be successful without him holding the reigns. It is also a reminder of days that weren't so long ago, where I stood before the congregation and promised to do the same. Sitting back, it gives me a minute to reflect on how well I am doing keeping the promise that I made myself with my babies. I then got to listen to my baby girl sing special music. Another gift that God has blessed me with to remind me just how much he loves us. And then as I got home and was dismayed at not feeling well and the mess that sat before, I checked Facebook and read that FBC has another "Godfilled" Sunday morning and night! and that God was setting fires in the hearts of his people! We had a wonderful Sunday morning last Sunday that was filled with baptisms, people walking the aisle and families joining. Today we have reports of youth and children being baptized and tonight of our youth reporting on their trip to Missionfuge. I hate I wasn't there, but it just makes you want to jump up and scream and rejoice!! God is truly good! It is such a wonderful feeling to see him at work and igniting fires in the heart of his people, ESPECIALLY in our youth! I am like Jill, I just hope that we can stand behind them and keep them on fire and what better way for us to do this than by keeping our fire burning and leading by example. Well, I can't think of a better way to end a summer than with the blessings that God has given me today. Thank you Lord for opening my eyes to the blessings that this day has brought and not getting caught up in the little things that don't matter.

A Prayer for "Little Man"

This week has been a very hard week for me as a Momma. Most people would celebrate at the fact that both of their kids had gone to youth camp for a week and they had a little time to get things done. It has resulted in alot of anxiety for me though. My Baleigh Bug is a complete people person. She loves to meet new people, go to new places and do new things! Camp and traveling are completely up her ally. She has been gone a week and I have only talked to her one time. My "Little Man" is a completely different story. Those that know him know that my Thomas Patrick has severe ADHD and he also has alot of anxiety as well about certain situations. To meet him you would never think it, but he is extremely insecure. He has been an old sole in a small body since the day he was born. He is perfectly comfortable among grown men, doing things such as hunting and working. Many people say we have made him that way, but truly he has always been that way on his own. He is responsible and trustworthy with things that many men can't or won't do. I have seen him cut his hand wide open and simply try and put a bandaid on it and it would need stitches, but a child can bump him or get rough with him at school and he will completely lose it. My "Little Man" has alot of anxiety being around children his own age for some reason. This results in him not playing most sports, though he will beg us to go to games or sit on the sidelines and play. I know in his heart he truly wants too, but he just can't bring himself to. He does not like being around alot of kids, especially children that he doesn't know. Since he has been a little boy, he hasn't even let me invite many more than 3 or 4 to his birthday parties and even then I would catch him playing by himself. So you can imagine the anxiety I had as a mom sending him to camp. He really didn't want to go, but I encouraged him to go, trying to encourage him to try new things. Well he has been a trooper, but it hasn't come easily to him. I got a call Wednesday morning with him having a complete meltdown. He wanted me to come get him NOW all because he didn't want to go into breakout groups with children he didn't know. Then he got separated from his group with Baleigh in a rain storm, which was not a good thing for him. And then there is tonight, I just got off of the phone with him at 12:00 having a complete meltdown once again. He had been roughhousing with the boys and the chaperon, as boys will do. Well tonight they were chunking things at each other and he was hit with a "ketchup pack" of all things a little hard and completely lost it. He cried for I know a solid hour wanting me to come and get him. I knew that this was a result of being completely tired and probably a little bit of getting his feelings hurt, but he was truly convinced that someone had set out to intentionally hurt him, which was the farthest from the truth!!

Tomorrow I will have both of my chicks back in the nest, but it doesn't stop a Momma from worrying about my baby's ability to handle situations in the future, especially as he grows up and finishes school. I guess a mother's praying is NEVER done!, but my heart is burdened tonight for my Little Man! Lord I pray that you give Thomas peace tonight so that he can rest, I pray that you give him strength to handle situations as they arise, I pray that you reveal to him that he is completely surrounded by people who love him and that he is your child Lord and divinely made just the way You wanted him to be! Lord thank you also for the patience and compassion that Angela, Christy and Adam have shown my Little Man throughout this week!

They are truly blessings!

Scattered isn't the Word!

Well those that know and love me will tell you that sometimes I am just a little impulsive and scattered brained!
The last couple of days have been one of those times. I have fixated on trading my Bug in and even went so far as to drive home a 4 door Corolla today.
Just what I need, another silver boring vehicle that is practical.
Don't even ask me what started this escapade, but needless to day I found myself driving the "trial" car home thinking the whole way, I have truly lost my mind. When I drove off and left my Bug it was like I was leaving my child! lol :D
How in the world do I get myself into stuff like this? Sure wish I would have called my friend to talk me out of it before I went instead of talking sense into me after I had wasted all of my darn time!
Jill reminded me that I didn't get my Bug to be practical, that I got it because I had always wanted one. I have it decorated with my daisies and even got a cutie tag! It wasn't bought for the comfort of others, but for the happiness it brings to me every time I look at it and drive it.
Thanks Jill! How well you know me. :D
After I had a good afternoon of the cry babies I thought about what I had learned from this whole stupid adventure, because I think everything happens for a reason. I think the human side of us is always searching for something that we think will make us be happier. Whether it be a practical silver 4 door vehicle, a different house, new clothes, some a new spouse (not me!), whatever it may be, without realizing it we talk ourselves into being unhappy at times and start searching for that happiness. Fact is I have everything that makes me happy. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children, I have friends that I cherish dearly, a good job and wonderful boss, and yes a daisy decorated "Bug"!
Momma, being my momma who knows me well, said, "Beth I knew you would never be happy getting rid of your Bug, but you had to find out for yourself.".
She's right, but I sure am glad I didn't sign a dotted line before I learned my lesson. :D

Rocking at the Dock

Well we have started our VBS this week every night from 5:30- 9:00. We are only 2 nights into it and, as if I should have ever doubted it, God has already showed up and showed out!

It is completely amazing to me how we are there to minister to and spread the gospel to children and us adults walk away with the bulk of the life lessons.

Well the first night we were learning that God is with us. Why do we as adults forget that we are never alone. As I sat there and assured the children that they are never alone, I think about the times where I feel alone and like I don't have anybody. I know better and through this lesson God gave me assurance once again that he is always with me. Another thing that we discussed is how when Moses saw the burning bush that he argued with God and didn't want to and didn't think he could do what God was asking of him. Once again how many times do we find our self arguing with God about something that he is asking us to do. Sometimes that may be loving someone when they aren't so lovable, sometime that may be forgiving when we don't think we should or sometimes that may be when we are going to trials in life that we just don't think we we can make it through. God is with us, Fear Not!

Well tonight was teaching us that God is Powerful! We talked about the plagues coming over the land when the pharaoh wouldn't free God's people. You know what, the same God that is powerful enough to send plagues across the lands all those years ago, is the same God that is powerful enough to tackle life's problems with us and to give us the strength to do what we need to do in life.

It has been a wonderful week so far, tiring, but rewarding! I have seen the light of Christ in the eyes of small children, I have seen adults rekindle broken relationships, I have seen youth being the hands and feet of God, simply put we have experienced God! Come join us!

A Vision of Beauty

Well I did it! I took Baleigh to TG McCary and had her 11 yr old portrait done. I did one at 3, now at 11 and her next one will be (gasp!) her senior portrait!

Those that know me know that I love to take pictures of my own babies as well as for others, but this man is truly a master at his craft.

The last visit consisted of bows, a beautiful organdy dress and a chicken nugget happy meal. This visit consisted of a sundress, a straightening iron, an ever so slight ting of makeup and a trip to the Mexican restaurant.

Simply stated, my sweet baby girl is growing up whether I like it or not.

I watched her as she posed for her pictures and she was truly a vision of beauty to my eyes. Her gorgeous thick blonde hair that I would kill to have, her eyes that light completely up when she laughs and the way I can see the wonderful man I am married to in her face. I don't know what I did to deserve God to allow me to be her mom, but she is growing up to be a wonderful young lady. Don't get me wrong, she is like any other child going through her hormonal moments etc. etc., but she has a kind and giving heart, she has morals that don't seem to waiver easily, she is well grounded in her faith, she has an infectious laugh and she is my sweet baby!

God has blessed me tremendously through the gift of my children!

Paper Bag Blessings!!

http://bethsbigjourney.blogspot.com

Bail Out!

Okay, I'm hoping this is just a bad week, but I'm not sure how much longer of this liquid diet I am gonna be able to take.

I have been on it one month and have lost around 20lbs, but it is becoming soooo hard! They said that it would become easier, but truly for me it has seemed harder to do as I have went.

I have NOT been short of encouragement by far and am soooo thankful for those encouraging me, but it is truly one of the hardest things that I have ever in my life done.

We just aren't engineered to drink everything we eat. Everytime I drink a meal I say to myself, you have 4 weeks down and 8 more to go, but my mind isn't convinced. I am sooo encouraged by a friend who has lost 100 + lbs in 5 months, but I just don't think I'm gonna be able to make it that far.

I don't know if I am having an off day or what, but feeling a little defeated right now. Scared I couldn't lose the weight any other way.

Just rambling tonight, but really torn as to my decisions. Thanks for listening!

One Sick Daddy!

There's alot of things I can handle, but I can't handle Pat being as sick as he has been these last few days!

Pat came in on from Mrs. Karen's funeral last Sunday and said, "I feel awful. My head is hurting so bad I can't stand it and my neck is stiff and my arms are really hurting." I thought that this didn't sound really good. Well, throughout the course of the week he got 4 antibiotic shots and saw his daddy or Karen daily. Every day instead of getting better he continued to get worse. Every day I continued to get more and more worried. Finally Friday he got to where he couldn't even swallow soup and I called his daddy and said that something had to give. I couldn't stand him like this any longer.

We went to Dr. Mooney and he said that Pat had strep and it had gotten in his lymph nodes bad, throat and had gotten in his body and caused him to become septic.

Sooooo, long story short we spent Friday through Saturday in the hospital getting lots of IV antibiotics. Slowly but surely he has gotten better and we got to come home. He has 10 more days on two different antibiotics and then hopefully we will be through and well.

You never know in life what awaits you around the corner. We are thankful for all of our friends checking on us and praying for us throughout this little trial. We are blessed richly with friendships!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun....

I am a complete 80's girl, I grew up in the land of fluorescent shirts and plastic jewelry, parachute pants, barrettes with little ribbon braided on them and watching Friday Night Videos hoping to get a glimpse of Cyndi Lauper, Madonna or the new Thriller video.

Well I have a daughter who is a girl after my own heart, she is all 80's at heart.

She has been saving her money lately and even working to make more to make a trip to Rue 21. I had put it off for a couple of days, but today was the day.

That place is a complete explosion and tribute to the 80's. It was mass chaos, but I had so much fun watching her go around mixing and matching clothes, trying them on and asking my opinion about outfits. Every so often she would say, "Momma, I am having so much fun." My baby girl is her own little person and with her own creative style. Others may not always understand it, but she seems to be comfortable in her own skin and I am grateful for it.

All in all, it was just a good trip shopping with my baby girl! I know all to well that it won't be very long before I won't be quite as cool as I am now, my opinion on clothes definitely won't be as coveted and I will be missing these little times that God has allowed me to have.

Thank you Lord for these little moments with my children and help me never to take them for granted or let one by without seizing it. :D

Additional Blog

Hey guys, started an additional blog just to vent about this new weight loss journey, it is
http://bethsbigjourney.blogspot.com
Hope this keeps me from boring my friends with all the goofy details that I am sure I will want to vent about.
Hope it last more than a week! :D

A New Chapter.....

It's been a while since I posted and what a depressing post my last one was! lol

I have been thinking alot lately about life in general. Sitting back realizing the blessings that surround me and the journey that I have traveled throughout my life.

I have had alot of trials in my life that I absolutely don't regret because they have shaped me into who I am. I have spent a large part of my adult life trying to keep everyone happy around me, many times at my own expense because of fear of losing people and having people be upset with me.

Well lately I have been thinking more about how fully I am living my life and realizing more and more daily that I only have one life and that I simply am not getting any younger, nor am I guaranteed tomorrow.

I want to write a new chapter in my life. I want to enjoy what God has blessed me with without reservations. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful babies and an abundance of friends. I am tired of saying not now, maybe later, I wish I had..... and so on. I am realizing it is okay to say No and if I want to do something that is just for me at times, it is okay also and I don't have to have permission or approval from the world.

People who truly love me, are gonna love me, unconditionally!

In all of this thinking I have decided to try a weight reduction program that is medically monitored. It is drastic, it is strict, but I am simply to that point! I have been so excited at how supportive my friends have been. It is another weight loss endeavor, but at this point, I can't NOT try. I am going to start praying now and I ask that you do as well for my discipline and for God to change my heart about my health and how I view food. I owe this to myself and my family. I start on July 17th, so start praying now! I am sure that I will need it.

I am beginning to realize that one of the ways that I can make my husband, children, family and friends happier, is not always by what I can do for them, but simply by being happy with myself.

I know this has been alot of random blubbering, but after all, I started blogging as a way to get my thoughts out, not to prove how beautifully I can write. Anyway, anyone who knows me knows I talk randomly "or chase rabbits" all the time. That's what makes me, me!

I encourage you as well to think about how you are living the life that God has given you. Are you living it to it's fullest, or you procrastinating it away, are you living for the happiness of others and never finding yourself happy in the process. Just thoughts to ponder....

Who's That Looking Back at Me?

Well I'm having one of those nights ladies and many of you have had them.

Do you ever just feel that you have lost yourself somewhere along the way? That you are going through the motions of life, but not living it to the fullest?

I just got back from Relay for Life tonight and I have come home with this burdened on my mind. As I carried on through the night I found myself among people, survivors who have fought for their lives and it made me think, "Why aren't you living yours? Are you living your best life?" Looking at myself it seems as if I have become someone that I don't even recognize at times. I am battling my weight, well I wouldn't call it a battle, I am actually nurturing my weight. My legs and feet can't hold me up for long periods of time, "Yes, I have a condition, but there are ways I could better help myself!" I could barely make it 7 laps and I watch senior adults walking too many laps to even count. Those that know me know that I love music and love to dance, my heart dances inside, but my body is too ashamed to let anyone see it on the outside. I had to leave because I simply couldn't stand anymore because my legs had become so swollen and red. I am 36 years old and this just ain't a' gettin it! I spend my time trying to make others smile and laugh, but I don't think I smile and laugh like I used to. I don't know, maybe I am rambling, but I just feel like I have let myself go in many ways and aren't recognizing the woman I have become at times. I know that I have a Father that loves me regardless and ladies I am not talking about my earthly father, but my Heavenly Father, but I also know that he wants me to live the best life that I can and to be as happy as I can. I have said this sooooo many times to others, "The only one who can truly make you happy is yourself. If you wait for others to do it, it will never happen.", hum, seems like good advice, maybe I should take it!

What's my plan, not sure yet, not some crazy unrealistic goal or anything, but I know just who I can take it too and we are gonna get this thing worked out together. God, can you hear me, we need to talk........

Polka Dotted Blessings....

To many women, this may look like one of the "tackiest" pieces of luggage for any grown woman to have, but to me this is a true piece of beauty. You see, this was my Mother's Day present from my baby boy.

I recently went to Savages Drug Store to get a gift for a friends birthday, while I was there my baby boy Thomas was checking everything out. He would come up to me and say, "Momma, what do you think about this?" and I would comment, but go on about my business. He continued with his critical looking and I simply went right on about my business. He told me that he needed to call his daddy and I needed to drop him off by the Vet clinic. I knew what he was up to, but told him that we didn't have time to go to the clinic and we weren't going to bother his daddy right now, that they would shop later. I must admit he seemed a little heart broke at the pace of our day and the fact that I couldn't accomodate him and was really upset at the fact that this particular store would be closed and he wouldn't be able to come back. Well I went ahead and checked out and went to the car, no Thomas. Exasperated I told Baleigh, "Go in and tell Thomas Patrick to come on. We are in a hurry." She did and he come out and made a statement to the effect that he didn't realize we left. I asked him was he mad at me and he said that he wasn't. Well last night he simply couldn't hold it anymore. He told me to go in the bedroom and come out when he told me to. I came out and there was a heap in the floor and he said, "Sit down momma, I have a big surprise for you." So I did and he ripped away the afghan covering the heap and there it was, the lime green suitcase with bright orange polka dots and there he was with the biggest smile of pride a little fella could have. I said, "Thomas, how did you get this." and he said, "Momma, I knew I wouldn't be able to make it back before the store closed, so I hid until you walked out of the store and then I gave the suitcase to the lady to put behind the counter for me." My little man!! What 9 year old has the forethought to ask a store clerk to put away that "perfect" gift for his momma! and what a beautiful gift it was!

In the picture with my new suitcase is my new purse that my baby girl got me. Once again, I saw it and had fallen in love with it and wouldn't get it for myself. You guessed it. she managed to get her daddy back there and got that too. It truly meant the world that my babies went to such great lengths to make my Mother's Day perfect and it was just that! Perfect!

We had a great Mothers Day! We went to church together, went to eat with my Momma and kids, and then Pat, the kids, me and my Momma went to the movies, got icecream and then back home. What a beautiful day!

Count Your Blessings Name them One by One...

As I wake up this morning and begin to count my blessings, I now have two more to add to them. Isn't it wonderful how God continues to bless us even when we don't deserve it. Last night my mom married a wonderful man named David Derrick. He is good to my mom and he loves my kids and husband dearly. David also has a son named Chris, so both of us are no longer technically only children. Somehow that is just nice, even though we haven't had time to establish a relationship. My mom has been through some trials with relationships and I have never understood why it has always not worked out, now I know why! He was saving the best for last. May I introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. David Derrick

Don't ya' just love that wonderful look Thomas has on his face. He wanted to give his Mawmaw away, so brother Webb had to throw that line in there. He then told David, "I'm not really giving her to you. She is still MY Mawmaw".
Here is me and mom and David and his son Chris.

Me and my momma. I love you mom and wish you all of the happiness that you truly deserve.

David and his son Chris.

Two hands joined together, praying that nothing will seperate them apart.