Who's That Looking Back at Me?

Well I'm having one of those nights ladies and many of you have had them.

Do you ever just feel that you have lost yourself somewhere along the way? That you are going through the motions of life, but not living it to the fullest?

I just got back from Relay for Life tonight and I have come home with this burdened on my mind. As I carried on through the night I found myself among people, survivors who have fought for their lives and it made me think, "Why aren't you living yours? Are you living your best life?" Looking at myself it seems as if I have become someone that I don't even recognize at times. I am battling my weight, well I wouldn't call it a battle, I am actually nurturing my weight. My legs and feet can't hold me up for long periods of time, "Yes, I have a condition, but there are ways I could better help myself!" I could barely make it 7 laps and I watch senior adults walking too many laps to even count. Those that know me know that I love music and love to dance, my heart dances inside, but my body is too ashamed to let anyone see it on the outside. I had to leave because I simply couldn't stand anymore because my legs had become so swollen and red. I am 36 years old and this just ain't a' gettin it! I spend my time trying to make others smile and laugh, but I don't think I smile and laugh like I used to. I don't know, maybe I am rambling, but I just feel like I have let myself go in many ways and aren't recognizing the woman I have become at times. I know that I have a Father that loves me regardless and ladies I am not talking about my earthly father, but my Heavenly Father, but I also know that he wants me to live the best life that I can and to be as happy as I can. I have said this sooooo many times to others, "The only one who can truly make you happy is yourself. If you wait for others to do it, it will never happen.", hum, seems like good advice, maybe I should take it!

What's my plan, not sure yet, not some crazy unrealistic goal or anything, but I know just who I can take it too and we are gonna get this thing worked out together. God, can you hear me, we need to talk........